


A Very Serious Business Story

by syllic



Category: Merlin (BBC)
Genre: Crack, Modern AU, Multi, the babysitters' club fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-02
Updated: 2009-03-02
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syllic/pseuds/syllic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The kids want to see the narwhal, Arthur," Mrs. Anhora had declared imperiously. "The narwhal is the unicorn of the ocean, after all—a very special and precious creature."</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Very Serious Business Story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nicolasechs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicolasechs/gifts).



> _My Wishlist of Crack_, by [nicolasechs](http://nicolasechs.livejournal.com).
> 
> 1\. Gwen/(Claudia) Morgana goodness; 2. SURFING, including but not limited to, Arthur teaching Merlin how to surf and making fun of how pale Merlin is. And/or beach volleyball; 3. Nimueh seducing Arthur, which leads to MISUNDERSTANDINGS between him and Merlin; 4. Merlin rescuing Arthur from certain doom from each of the mothers (all of whom have a vendetta against Uther or the Pendragon family or some such); 5. Lance/Arthur BONDING (but not in a bad touch sort of way); 6. Merlin gets tipsy (WARNING: underage drinking), and there are confessions; 7. MAGIC; 8. UNICORNS; 9. RAINBOWS; 10. The kids put on a show! (May or may not lead to complete abandonment of morals and flouting of sexual mores, etc.); 11. Aforementioned kid kits of awesome by Merlin and Arthur and Gwen and Morgana; 12. And finally, narwhals, AKA THE UNICORNS OF THE OCEAN.
> 
> **THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A JOKE. (OR I SHOULD SAY: THIS _IS_ A JOKE. THAT I SPENT SEVEN HOURS WRITING.)**
> 
> Er... happy early birthday, [nicolasechs](http://nicolasechs.livejournal.com).

It all started when Mrs. Rodowsky called Kristy on a Tuesday afternoon in May of their junior year.

"I'm sorry to call you like this, honey," she said. "I know you haven't really done any baby-sitting for us in years, but I just thought I'd call you first, just in case you were interested. You and the other girls were _such_ a help when Jackie was growing up, and I immediately thought of you when I heard about this.

It's my sister-in-law, you see? She and six other families are going on vacation with their children in Hawaii this summer, and they're looking for sitters to go with them. I thought you and some of the other girls might like to go, and so I told her you were very good and let her know that I'd give you a call and give you her number. They're all my brother-in-law's friends—he's some big banker in New York, and they have a huge amount of money, which they spend it as if there were no tomorrow; I'm always telling Dave what a disgrace it is. But anyway, honey, I'm sure you don't care about that.

They all have young children; I think there are 18 or 19 in total? They're willing to take six sitters with them, because obviously they don't want to be bothered with the kids while they're there. If one her kids drowns, my sister-in-law can probably be found at the spa. Don't tell her I said that, honey. And not that you or any of the other girls would let a kid drown, of course. I just meant—well, she's really at a loss as to where to find good sitters, having exhausted, I'm sure, most of the avenues open to her in New York. That Mordred of hers is a _terror_, Kristy. She called yesterday to speak to Dave and was telling me all about this, anyway, and I thought I'd call you and ask if you or any of the other girls might be interested."

Initially, Kristy had thought that she obviously had to say no. After Dawn had left for California to be with her dad, and Mrs. Schaffer (Mrs. _Spier_, which was still totally weird to say) and Mr. Spier and Mary-Anne had followed a few months after, and after Jessie had gone to join the Dance New York programme and the Pikes had moved away to Indiana (apparently Mr. Pike was going to work in some sort of mining complex that welcomed large families), Kristy and Claudia Morgana had thought, what with high school starting and all, that disbanding the club was probably a good idea. Kristy didn't really know that many people at school now, as most of their friends had apparently thought it was a good idea to move away from Stoneybrook in the same twelve months and abandon her to her fate. She'd begun to say no, but then Mrs. Rodowsky said,

"They're willing to pay you $650 each for three weeks, along with accommodation and meals, of course," and so Kristy had immediately made up some lie about making some calls and being able to figure it out by that afternoon for sure and said yes.

The thing was, Kristy was applying to Stanford next year, and if she wanted to buy the car to drive herself there as part of the road trip of a lifetime, as she'd been hoping to do, she really needed those $650. She also didn't think turning down a free(ish) vacation in Hawaii was a good idea (and Claudia Morgana would probably kill her if she did), even though the thought of Mrs. Rodowsky, of all people, calling another child a "terror" made the whole thing seem a bit intimidating.

Dreams of beat-up cars and sun aside, though, Kristy (who three years later was still a total tomboy and still bossy and still, she'd been told, kind of scary) definitely did not have five friends to rope into a three-week babysitting job in Hawaii. She had really hit the jackpot with the BSC girls, but other girls in high school seemed to think she was a bit strange, and she really only knew men from the baseball team, who had no aptitude for childcare whatsoever. So she did the logical thing and immediately called Claudia Morgana, who thought of calling Gwen Stevenson, a girl who, like Kristy, had too much of the tomboy in her for social acceptance to follow (the two of them had a strong bond from when they'd collectively beat up Uther Pendragon in the playground after he'd punched Gaius Biggleton in the face in the second grade, but they'd never really hung out much after that).

It all snowballed from there: it turned out Gwen didn't know any other girls either but knew a couple of guys she thought might be suitable—one of them was actually a baseball player, but apparently he was the responsible type. The other was Merlin Emrys, whom Kristy immediately liked the sound of because his middle name was Logan, which reminded her of Mary-Anne; after she thought about it, she realised that he was that artsy-looking big-eared guy she sometimes saw in the hall. The baseball player was Arthur Pendragon; he was a distant cousin of Uther's who had moved to Stoneybrook a few years ago from New York and always dressed in a weird red jacket. Kristy had always thought he looked like a huge bully, but Gwen assured her otherwise, and he had Student-Council-President responsibility credentials, which parents totally loved, so Kristy said if Gwen trusted him, then she supposed it would be okay.

That still left them one person short, though, and when Kristy met them all at Starbucks to discuss the situation over berry iced teas, it turned out that Arthur thought it was a good idea to bring Nimueh Mason along, who was a not-so-distant cousin of Cokie's that Kristy had never liked because she flounced everywhere in revealing red shirts. But they needed someone else, and since Kristy really couldn't think of a single other person (and she really had tried), she'd eventually said if they could convince Nimueh to buy a couple of high-necked t-shirts at the Gap, then they had a deal.

And so she called Mrs. Rodowsky again, and after that, she spoke to Mrs. Rodowsky's sister-in-law, and then she had a phone interview with five other high-pitched sounding women named Mrs. Anhora, Mrs. Edwin, Mrs. Valiant, Mrs. James ("call me Helen, or Lady—that's my middle name"), and Mrs. Kanan, as well as with a soft-spoken man she liked straight away, who called instead of his wife and said his name was Mr. DuLac but they could call him Lance.

And that was how four weeks later, Kristy Thomas, rising senior, found herself on American Airlines Flight 454, bound for Honolulu, travelling with one of her best friends and four people she didn't know that well to baby-sit for 18 kids on the beach. Merlin was reading lines from Macbeth aloud to prepare for an audition at Stoneybrook High in the fall, and Arthur was pretending to be interested while telling Mordred, who had wide blue eyes and hadn't said much but looked like he could be a fairly creepy kid if you got him going, to buckle his seatbelt. They'd trapped Nimueh in a row entirely full of kids, much to Kristy's satisfaction, and as Gwen and Claudia Morgana smiled excitedly at Kristy, she thought, _Here we go_.

___

Even after moving into Watson's mansion, Kristy had never really understood the phrase 'extravagant lifestyle'. Watson was a pretty down-to-Earth guy with a fair amount of money, but the Rodowskys and their friends were in a totally different league.

Kristy and each of the others each had their own suite, with two double beds and a pull-down bed on which the sitter was supposed to sleep. The kids all went to the same school, apparently, and to the same playgroup, so they split them up not by families but by gender and age. Kristy got the youngest girls—Lucy, Layla, Lady Jr.—and Claudia Morgana and Nimueh got three girls each—Nimueh had the oldest kids, and Claudia Morgana the middle ones. Gwen took one of Mr. DuLac's girls and one of Mrs. Anhora's, as they'd seemed the shyest. Merlin got four boys and Arthur got three—Merlin had volunteered to have the older kids after Mordred had punched Arthur in the shin in the lobby and told him he hoped Arthur would die a violent death when Arthur tried to protest being kicked.

The parents, it soon became clear, had suites on the other end of the hotel, so Kristy and the rest of the sitters were left with vague guidance ("their snorkels are in their bags") and a blessing to do what they wanted with the kids. Each of the parents handed one of the sitters a big wad of cash, which Mrs. James said was "for the banana boat, or something" (Kristy heard Mr. DuLac mutter in the background, "or for a stiff drink" and liked him even more; Arthur shot him a huge grin, too).

They helped the kids get into their swimsuits and herded them downstairs, where Kristy tried unsuccessfully to establish some semblance of order ("BEACH!" shouted half the kids, while Mordred said he spoke for his friends when he said it was "The pool or certain death"). Arthur called them a "little gang of ruffians", and Mordred kicked him in the other shin, so Merlin suggested they split up—Arthur, Kristy, and Claudia Morgana to the beach, and the rest of them to the pool. They agreed to meet for lunch at 1.30 and went their separate ways.

They set up camp under a beach hut and set up an assembly-line of sunscreen. Kristy was surprised to see how gentle Arthur was with the kids, slathering them up with sunscreen carefully, but this impression was immediately shattered when the kids moved a few feet away to build sandcastles and Arthur said savagely,

"I swear, that Mordred kid deserves to be institutionalised. What a little shit."

Kristy began to protest that the kids might overhear, but Claudia Morgana laughed loudly and beat her to it,

"Oh, suck it up, Stacy."

"Stacy?" asked Kristy, and Claudia Morgana replied,

"Oh, his middle name is—"

"Anastasius," said Arthur, haughtily, with far more dignity than Kristy would have been able to conjure in the same situation.

"He's just angry because he knows those mothers are going to make this a living hell for him," said Claudia Morgana, before skipping away, all long legs, to help Andrew stabilise his battlements.

"Why?" asked Kristy, turning to Arthur curiously.

"Oh, my uncle used to be head partner of the firm where all the men—well, and Lance's wife—work. He apparently made life miserable for absolutely everyone who worked for him, which is very like Uther, but last year he had a nervous breakdown and was forced to take a permanent 'leave of absence'. Mrs. Anhora already called me 'Young Pendragon' once, so I can't think they don't know who I am."

"Oh," said Kristy. And then, "Uther?"

"Yeah," said Arthur. "The father of the very same kid whose head you once banged against the slide while Gwen punched him in the nuts."

"Ah," said Kristy, and left it at that.

___

It'd been a long time since Kristy had sat for so many kids at once, and she'd forgotten what it was like, ordering seven burgers and ten club sandwiches and seven hot dogs in a single breath. She sat at the head of the table, where Lady Jr. was stuffing her face and getting ketchup everywhere, wiping Lady's face a little distractedly while glaring at Nimueh, who was sitting opposite her, at the other end. Merlin and Arthur had gotten up to go to the salad bar, and Kristy watched out of the corner of her eye as they horsed around, obviously close.

She turned to ask Gwen what that was all about, but before she could say anything, Gwen said softly,

"They met when Arthur was taking someone's lunch money in the seventh grade. It was really pathetic behaviour and apparently, Merlin tells me, the result of 'long conditioning' in a 'household defined by competition'. I think that Arthur was just a bit of a—well, not a nice boy, anyway," she said, when Mordred looked up, "and Merlin has made him better. Oh, Morgana, be careful—" she said, turning her head 180 degrees, surely with the aid of eyes in the back of her head— "that one has shrimp in it, I think."

_What kind of club sandwich has shrimp in it?_ Kristy was about to ask indignantly, but then Claudia Morgana smiled softly at Gwen and ran a hand very quickly and gently over Gwen's knuckles, before saying, "Thanks. I'm not as allergic as I used to be," and Kristy thought it was better to stay silent than to intrude on something that was obviously, in some indefinable way, private. Kristy had known Claudia Morgana—and when had people started calling her 'Morgana', anyway, when she'd always just been Claud?—for years and years, and she knew better than anyone how allergic Claudia Morgana was to shrimp, but here was some girl Kristy had spoken to twice looking after Claudia Morgana as if the two of them had been best friends since birth, like Kristy and Mary-Anne had been.

Kristy ate her burger silently, and tried hard not to feel as if she were surrounded by strangers. Nimueh gave her a knowing smile over the table, and Kristy only just stopped herself from throwing a fork at her face.

___

That night, as they were going back to their rooms to put the kids to bed, Kristy said to all of them,

"Shall we have a short meeting once everyone's asleep? Bring your Kid Kits." She had a moment to feel silly, to remember that these weren't her friends who knew what she meant by Kid Kits and short meetings, but they all just smiled at her and agreed (after Claudia Morgana said "the boxes I told you guys to bring"), and Kristy felt a little bit less like an outsider when they all met her in the hallway at 9.30.

"Okay," she began, her palms a little sweaty, "Well, I think everything's gone really well so far today. I'm pretty happy; how about you guys?"

"Yeah, me too," said Claudia Morgana with a smile, just as if this were her room and she were about to start handing out the junk food. Kristy smiled at her and wished Mary-Anne were there to take the minutes, but then she told herself to grow up and said,

"Uh, well—shall we see what each of us brought? It might be that we need to switch some things around, I guess, because we've split the kids up the way we have."

She opened her Kid Kit, which was stocked with the usual—art materials, a puzzle, a couple of books and a magnetic checkers kit. She'd also brought a couple of beach balls, which were in her suitcase in the room.

Claudia Morgana had a similar arrangement, heavier on the art materials and with some string and beads to make bracelets, and Gwen appeared to have much of the same stuff, though she didn't seem halfway near as mystified as she should have been when she produced a toy toolbox—Kristy was sure she'd seen an _anvil_—from the bottom of her Kit.

"Cool," said Merlin when she showed it to everyone, and he opened his box with a flourish. There was an unduly heavy concentration of Mr. Magic's Magical Encyclopaedia books in there, Kristy thought, but apart from that, he'd done pretty well for a boy, even bringing some paper dolls, though Kristy thought they would have probably met with more success in 1958.

Nimueh had some creepy plastic goblets from some sort of vampire game in there, and she'd decorated the box with Bunny Suicide pictures, which probably wasn't appropriate for the youngest kids, but Kristy had to grudgingly admit that she'd done a good job, too. She was feeling pretty pleased about the whole thing when she saw Arthur, blushing and holding the lid of his Kit down with one hand.

"Arthur?" she said encouragingly, and he fidgeted for a moment before squaring his shoulders and opening the box,

"I, uh," he said. "Well, I've brought a couple of plastic swords. And uh… what do we have here… oh, some action figures, Robin Hood and this, uh, gun-toting individual here, I can't remember what he was called, that I had growing up. And a couple of books: King Pellinore against the Great Monster and The Hunt for the Questing Beast. Oh, and this is cool—it's a mini darts set."

He sat back, and Kristy smiled and tried hard to find the right words to tell him brightly that this was the worst Kid Kit _ever_.

"Christ, Arthur," said Merlin. "Did you think about exposing the kids to say, oh—something other than violence?" He nabbed the Robin Hood out of Arthur's kit and traded him for some crayons, and after Kristy donated some Pick-Up Sticks and Gwen traded The Hunt for the Questing Beast for a glitter craft set, Arthur's Kit seemed somewhat less psychopathic.

___

Kristy had thought Arthur and Claudia Morgana had been kidding about the mothers' possible vendetta against Arthur, but four days later, she was having second thoughts.

On Tuesday, Mrs. Edwin and Mrs. Valiant had made Arthur take Mordred, Jake, Peter, and Andrew to the Snakes And Beetles Emporium, over his loud protestations that he hated snakes and bugs and over Gwen's loud insistence that she'd be happy to do it.

"Oh no, Arthur," had said Mrs. Valiant, "I'm sure you'll enjoy it once you get there, really." Arthur had paled considerably but had had no choice but to go when Mrs. Edwin said,

"The kids—and we—would be very disappointed if you weren't able to take them," while ostentatiously counting money in her ostentatious purse.

Arthur had marched off, looking as if he were headed for the block, but fifteen minutes later, once the women had gone to do whatever it was that they did every day, he'd re-appeared next to Kristy at the beach. She'd looked at him questioningly.

"Oh," he said, shrugging. "Merlin met me outside and bribed Mordred with promises of magical paper dolls from his Kid Kit, or something. He apparently loves them. Then I let Mordred kick me in both shins, which seemed to seal the deal. Merlin's taken them."

___

On Wednesday, Mrs. Kanan had come into their hallway at 7am before her morning run and shouted, "PENDRAGON!" in the hallway.

When they'd all rushed out of their rooms, Arthur quickest, Kristy could have sworn Mrs. Kanan had stuck out one of her creepily manly ankles and tripped Arthur purposefully as he'd run out the door, rubbing his eyes.

When asked what the emergency was, Mrs. Kanan had claimed she'd simply been trying to establish what room Arthur and her two boys were in.

Kristy was helping Arthur up when Merlin had come cheerfully out of the elevator, just in time to spill two coffees down Mrs. Kanan's white shirt as she tried to barrel in to the elevator carriage to go downstairs.

"Oh, god, Mrs. Kanan, I'm so sorry," Merlin had mumbled, looking sheepish, dabbing violently at her breasts with some sodden napkins and making more of a mess than he'd originally created.

She'd narrowed her eyes at him before stalking off, unable to say anything about what appeared to be an accident, but Merlin had winked at Arthur as he went past, muttering,

"Teach her to bring her big-city charity into Stoneybrook and try to put my mother's art cooperative out of business."

___

On Thursday, Mrs. James, who it turned out had once been an opera singer at the Met, forced Arthur, who was evidently tone-deaf, to organise a musical performance that involved all eighteen children, which she and the other parents would attend at precisely 5.45pm, prior to dinner, in Arthur's children's suite.

Arthur had gone downstairs to the concierge to try to get a copy of _The Sound of Music_ to work from before the event, but when he'd come back upstairs, Merlin and Gwen had already taken charge and were teaching the kids the title song from _The Boyfriend_.

Kristy, who couldn't really sing very well but was willing to help, got to work on the upper harmony with the aid of Nimueh, who it turned out could sing beautifully. She was the one that suggested that Mrs. James' son Jake be given the solo, and Kristy was almost ready to like Nimueh, awful shirts and all, at the look on Mrs. James' pinched face when Jake ran to the front of the kids' chorus line and dropped to his knees before belting out,

"We'd save for him—and slave for him; we'd even misbehave for him! That little thing called…. the boyfriend!"

___

By the time Friday rolled around and Mr. DuLac knocked quietly on Arthur's door at 5.55am, motioning a bleary-eyed Arthur to follow him to the beach, Kristy (who was a light sleeper and had woken up at the knock), seeing that Merlin was nowhere to be found, thought she'd better follow them down, just in case Mr. DuLac planned to stab Arthur with some coral while they were down there, or something.

But when she crept around two palm trees to check that Arthur was still alive, it was only to find Mr. DuLac teaching him how to deliver a particularly high kick while crouching. It turned out Mr. DuLac was some sort of capoeira master, and when Arthur finally got the hang of the kick and Mr. DuLac flipped backwards to avoid Arthur's foot, Kristy gave a little squeal of delight from where she was hiding. Mr. DuLac had crooked his fingers to beckon her over, and when Arthur and Kristy rode the elevator up to their rooms an hour later, flushed and sore, to be there when the kids got up, Kristy shot Arthur a huge smile, and felt as if she'd known him for a long time when he smiled back.

___

They'd been there a week and a half when Mr. DuLac convinced the rest of the parents to do something with their kids for one day and told the sitters they could have the day off. Kristy and the rest of them had taken the kids to Bluebeard's Pirate Land of Adventure the day before, where Mordred had gotten lost in the dark maze of the House of Pirate Adventure for twenty minutes, the rest of them waiting tensely outside while Arthur shouted, "Mordred! Mordred! Mordred Rodowsky, come out here _this instant_!" from inside.

When Arthur and Mordred finally emerged, Mordred in a death grip and Arthur attempting to avoid his flailing, kicking, legs, all six of them had looked at each other with a look that clearly communicated, _No way is $650 enough compensation for this shit_. Perhaps Mr. DuLac had noticed, because he'd dropped the news about the day off right as they got back. Kristy had made some sort of token protest—"No, really; that's what we're here for"—but Mr. DuLac had smiled at her as if he could read her tone for what it was—"Thank fucking _god_"—and fed them some lie about how all of the mothers were really eager to spend some quality time with the children, and how they could have the day and the evening off the next day.

The next morning, they'd all gotten up, got the kids dressed and fed at the hotel restaurant, and waved enthusiastically as they and their parents had driven off on a tour bus with flame-font on the side reading: _VOLCANO ADVENTURE_. As soon as the bus had driven out of sight, they'd run back upstairs and changed into their swimsuits, before running back downstairs to the beach, where Merlin sprawled in a star-shape and dug his toes into the hot sand with a moan.

Claudia Morgana broke out about seventeen issues of _Vogue_ from a huge beach bag, and she sat and read from beneath a gigantic floppy hat that reminded Kristy of more daring wardrobe choices of old. Gwen rubbed sunscreen into Claudia Morgana's back, where she couldn't reach, and then into her arms and legs and her tummy, where Claudia Morgana evidently _could_ reach. Kristy tried not to stare and felt stupid when she saw that Merlin and Nimueh and Arthur were carrying on as if nothing were going on.

They sat in the sun, baking stupidly but contentedly, for about an hour, before Arthur stood up and solemnly declared,

"Okay. It's time, Merlin."

Merlin looked up lazily and said, "Arthur, really—I'm happy to watch you do it. Really, I am," but Arthur yanked him up by one arm and said, "Anyone else coming?" before walking towards the rental hut that sold rides on the banana boat and hired jetskis and boogie boards and surfboards. When Kristy saw that Arthur was pointing at the surf boards, she scrambled up and followed Arthur, Nimueh beside her.

Nimueh negotiated some sort of discounted price for them, and called the rental guy by his name, which was sort of creepy but cool when it got them twenty bucks knocked off the final price. Arthur assured 'Matt' that he knew what he was doing, and they carried their surfboards down to a place near the water, where Arthur demonstrated a pop-up three times before helping the rest of them to get the hang of it, like some sort of surfing training-corps captain.

"Kristy, that's great," he said, nodding once before rolling his eyes at Merlin and saying,

"No, no, Emrys, not like that." He made Merlin lie flat on the surfboard again and flopped down next to him, belly-down on the sand. He placed his hands on top of each of Merlin's, and placed them on the surfboard before leaning in, mouth to Merlin's ear, and saying,

"Think about a quick, sharp movement—but it can't be jerky as fuck, the way you just did it, because you'll topple over. Graceful, Merlin. Not your strong suit, but all skills can be learned."

He shimmied down, placing his hands on Merlin's hips and sliding him more towards the centre of the board. He then slid his hands down Merlin's calves, saying, "Relax, Emrys," and positioned the tips of his toes at the edge of the board before standing up again and saying,

"Okay, try now."

Merlin leapt up gracefully, knees bent, and Arthur gave him an approving, warm smile that made Merlin flush to the roots of his hair. When Arthur turned to help Nimueh, Merlin turned to Kristy and said,

"Uh—I'm going to—uh, the water. A quick dip. Want to come?" he turned and sprinted towards the water, diving in as soon as he hit a deep-enough section and surfacing, shaking his head from side to side to get the water out of his floppy hair.

Kristy sat on her board and watched as Arthur gave Nimueh directions and pretended to be paying attention, his hands adjusting Nimueh's position but his eyes fixed on Merlin walking back towards them, the sea glittering behind him.

___

They made their way back towards Gwen and Morgana about forty minutes later, Arthur promising that they'd try actually going out to the ocean a little later in the afternoon.

"Normally you only practice on land on the first day, and then maybe try the ocean on the second, but we're really not going to have time, what with the slave-driving, so I'll take you out a little later. Just try not to drown or something. And Merlin, for god's sake put on some more sunscreen, as I don't want to be responsible for your pasty Irish skin coming off in great big sheets."

"Arthur," Gwen groaned from where she was lying next to Morgana, their two beach chairs pushed together, "That's an absolutely disgusting image."

"Uh, you _do_ remember the great Cape May Incident of 2007, right, Guinevere? _Arthur, do you have to rub that aloe vera in so violently? Arthur, bring me some juice, I'm dehydrated. Arthur, it hurts. Arthur, don't drive so quickly—the seat is rubbing my skin! Arthur, Arthur, Arthur_. We were there for like, 6 hours, Gwen, and the sun was weak at best. How could he possibly have been dehydrated after that?"

"And yet you drove to buy him two cartons of juice and got us home after midnight—and I got grounded, I might add—because you weren't willing to drive above 50 in case Merlin was somehow maimed by the experience. This attitude makes more sense to me now—now that I know that you believe skin coming off in sheets is an actual phenomenon," said Gwen. Arthur blushed a little and looked away, but Kristy caught Merlin looking down, his mouth twitching, and when he darted a glance at Arthur, it was so full of affection that Kristy felt a bit dirty for watching.

They ate a huge lunch and lounged about the beach like pregnant manatees, rolling over every few minutes to get a drink of water or shake the Coke cans in hopes that there was still something in there. A short while later Arthur declared that he'd take them out on the water now, if they wanted, and Kristy, Merlin, and Nimueh followed, a little apprehensive.

Kristy managed to stand up on her first try before suffering a massive falling-over setback, but she felt vindicated when she saw that neither Merlin nor Nimueh had attained upright status. Nimueh eventually managed to ride a wave for about one and a half seconds before dismounting gracefully and, evidently happy to quit while she was ahead, gave them a big wave from the shore before going to return her board.

Merlin eventually managed the same, turning around to say, "Look, Arthur," before falling over in a heap and emerging, spluttering, a few seconds later. He and Kristy came to the conclusion that they probably weren't going to master surfing in a day, and they sat together on the beach, boards between their legs, and watched Arthur paddle out, arms cutting through the water.

Arthur had complained that today was a good day for beginners, but not ideal for anyone else, because the waves weren't 'curling right', whatever that meant. Kristy watched him stand up and ride a couple of very small waves, looking a bit bored, and felt sorry for him that he didn't have anyone truly good to practice with. She looked straight at the sea, where small rainbows were forming in oil puddles, and turned only when she heard Merlin muttering. Merlin had his eyes narrowed and the fingers of one hand oddly outstretched, and when Kristy followed his gaze she saw a huge wave, larger than anything they'd seen in ten days of being there, rising behind Arthur as he paddled forward. Arthur popped up on his board, knees bent and elbows a little out, and rode the curl of the wave, the fingers of his right hand trailing in the water and a massive grin on his face. Kristy and Merlin smiled back, and Arthur dropped from his board and came out of the sea, running towards them and shouting, "_Did you see that?!_?"

Kristy was tempted to say, "Of course we did—we're not blind, Arthur," but Merlin only waited patiently for Arthur to begin an enthusiastic description of what they'd just seen, and Kristy followed Merlin's example, charmed by the excitement on Arthur's face.

When they got back to the other girls, Nimueh leapt up and said, "Oh my god, Arthur, that was amazing!" before giving him an enthusiastic hug. Arthur squeezed her briefly with one arm, saying, "I know!" before launching into a second-round description of the events.

"Yeah, Stacy—we saw," said Claudia Morgana, rolling her eyes.

"It was pretty cool," said Gwen.

"It was _epic_," echoed Nimueh, still excited, and Arthur grinned at her while Merlin looked thunderously in their direction, flopping down next to Gwen and mimicking Claudia Morgana's eye roll.

They opted for dinner on the beach, as per Claudia Morgana's sound logic—"Look, if we go back up there to change, they might well be back, and I don't know about you, but I intend to take the day off, like they said I could." Kristy thought about protesting before realising she agreed, and they ordered another huge meal, demolishing it quickly and talking about what they could do that night.

"We could go watch a film," said Gwen, "or maybe just go into town and walk around for a little while."

"That'd be nice," said Merlin. They munched in silence for a few more minutes, and then Nimueh said,

"Matt says that there's a party at a place further down the beach. He asked earlier if we wanted to go."

_Absolutely not_, thought Kristy, but she could see by the tentative interest in everyone's eyes that she was the only one who really felt that way.

"I don't know," said Gwen, looking at her. "What do you think, Kristy?"

All five of them focussed their eyes on her, and Kristy, who had strong objections to partying while on the job but really wasn't about to blow the chance to be friends with these people, who had really been very nice to her so far, looked at Claudia Morgana and said,

"Sure. I think it'd be okay, so long as we don't get back too late." She shrugged and they all grinned at her, and she smiled back as they stood up and slid into their flip-flops, Merlin and Arthur putting t-shirts over their trunks and Nimueh, Claudia Morgana, and Gwen easing into skirts and sarongs. Kristy put on her board shorts and put her hair back in a ponytail, and they followed Nimueh towards the rental hut, where she negotiated with Matt the rental guy, who pointed vaguely to the left and said, "I'll be there soon."

They started off down the beach as the sun dropped in the sky and dusk set in. It was still incredibly warm, and they walked in silence, feet in the water.

"Stacy," said Claudia Morgana finally, "Is that a unicorn on your shirt?"

Arthur, who was wearing a red shirt with some sort of complex silk-screen of a dragon and—yes, Kristy established when she looked, a pretty girly unicorn—on the left shoulder, said tightly,

"Don't call me that. And yes. Is there a problem?"

"No," said Morgana, smiling widely. "I was just checking."

They eventually saw where they were headed, a few beach huts surrounded by tiki torches and with lots of people milling about as music blared out from some speakers. They stood at the edge of the party for a few minutes, before Nimueh suddenly pulled Arthur by one hand into a crowd of dancers. Arthur shot them a single look before following. Claudia Morgana and Gwen looked around, then looked at each other; Claudia took Gwen by the hand and they disappeared into the mass of bodies, too.

Kristy and Merlin looked morosely at each other, and when Merlin said, "Shall we go see if there's punch with some horribly cheap, blinding alcohol in it?", Kristy, who never thought she'd reply to that question in the affirmative, said,

"Yes. Let's."

It was clear that much time could not have passed, but four glasses of mystery punch later, Kristy felt pleasantly relaxed and as if they had been there for hours. She and Merlin were perched on a large rock near some palm trees, watching Claudia Morgana and Gwen dance, two lithe figures twirling one around the other, while Nimueh and Arthur moved near them, Nimueh sinuous and Arthur dancing a bit like Kristy's stepdad, shuffle-shuffle-lunge.

"What the _fuck_ is up with that?" asked Merlin, angrily. He'd only had two glasses of the mystery punch, but Kristy suspected he'd been benefiting from the cheap alcohol in ways that she herself was not. She _hmmed_.

"I mean really. What the fucking fuck. Arthur doesn't even like Nimueh—he told me. He said her shirts were ugly and that her fetish for medieval stuff was stupid and creepy. We even laughed about those crappy goblets she always kept in her locker, which she's brought here now, I guess to turn some of the kids into creepy goblet mini-minions, or something. And now here we are, and she's all, _look at my skimpy bikini_, and Arthur, first, is all like, _Merlin, don't put your legs there—let me run my hands down your thighs and position your feet for you_, and then all like, _Oh hello, Nimueh, here are your breasts_. I mean, surely I'm not expected to react well to this. What the fucking fuck."

Merlin dropped back onto the rock, his head making a worrying clunking sound as it hit the hard surface, and Kirsty lowered herself more gently and joined him in huffing disgustedly up at the sky.

"I have been waiting for years, Kirsty—years. I am a wave-making, homerun-abetting, road-clearing-when-there's-traffic-and-he'll-get-detention-if-he's-late-one-more-time individual, but above all, I am _patient_," Merlin said nonsensically, and Kristy thought, _hello, alcohol_ as he continued, "I have waited. And quite frankly, I will be damned if I have to be Nimueh-breast-accepting, too. Enough is fucking enough."

Merlin lurched upwards, and Kristy steadied him by one shoulder as he said, "I'm going over there."

His eyes scanned the crowd of dancers, and Kristy's eyes swept over a dozen brightly coloured shirts, trying to spot Arthur. She saw Gwen and Claudia Morgana, pressed tightly together, Claudia's lips pressed against the line of Gwen's collarbone and Gwen's hand splayed across Morgana's upper left thigh, her fingers moving gently as they danced. Kristy hitched in a breath and moved her eyes away, embarrassed, and she found Arthur and Nimueh just as Merlin did, his breath coming out of him in one sharp gust as Nimueh leaned forward and pressed her lips to Arthur's, her arms wrapped around his neck and one leg twisted around his.

"Merlin," said Kristy, softly, but Merlin stood up quickly and began walking away towards the hotel, his stride long and angry and his head bent. Kristy ran into the crowd, shouting, "Merlin and I are going!" to Morgana and Gwen, who looked up, startled, before running towards Merlin, catching up with him and debating whether to put an arm around his shoulders. She eventually went for it, feeling a little sheepish, but she was glad when Merlin slumped into her and took a deep breath as they walked.

"Merlin! Kristy!" they heard suddenly, and Kristy turned to see Arthur running towards them, full-pelt and with a panicky look on his face. Merlin slowed down only marginally, and Kristy turned away from Arthur and walked on with Merlin, with whom she'd placed her allegiance on this matter.

"Merlin, wait!" cried Arthur, again, and he caught up with them in a few short strides. "Merlin," he began, and Merlin's eyes softened for an instant before he jabbed one finger into Arthur's chest and said,

"No. You know what? No. Just fuck off, Arthur," and resumed walking away.

Kristy followed, darting one last glance over her shoulder at Arthur, who looked at her in shock before turning his face away, curling his glance towards the stupid unicorn on his shirt.

___

Things were less than ideal the next day. Kristy's head hurt pretty badly, and she'd heard Merlin chuck up horribly in the bathroom when she'd gone into his room to help him get his kids dressed. At breakfast, Gwen and Claudia Morgana looked studiously at their plates while Kristy glared at Nimueh, whose musical-performance brownie points had disappeared overnight, as far as Kristy was concerned. Merlin looked only at his kids and talked loudly and brightly to them, while Arthur looked about morosely, giving only a half-hearted "Ow," when Mordred gave him his customary kick on the shin.

Mrs. Anhora declared that the parents had discovered, while they'd been on _VOLCANO ADVENTURE_ the day before, that the aquarium in town was housing a narwhal, which had been found wandering, confused by radar and changing water temperatures, a few miles off the coast and hundreds of miles away from its hunting ground. Concern that it might end up beached had led the aquarium staff to bring him into a specially cooled tank, where they hoped to prepare him for a guided trip back to the Arctic in a few months' time.

"The kids want to see the narwhal, Arthur," Mrs. Anhora had declared imperiously. "The narwhal is the unicorn of the ocean, after all—a very special and precious creature. I'd be grateful if you could take Mordred, Andrew, Jake, and Billy down there, and oh—Layla, Susan, Penelope, did you want to go, too? Nimueh, you can go with them, maybe. Unless you're afraid of marine mammals too, Arthur, of course."

Arthur only smiled tightly while Nimueh nodded, evidently pleased, and Merlin gave another of his disgusted huffs before marching his kids off to the beach. Kristy, Claudia Morgana, and Gwen followed, Gwen shooting Nimueh a murderous glance and Claudia Morgana giving Arthur a sympathetic wave.

It couldn't have been more than an hour before they returned, kids in tow, to where Kristy and the rest of them, along with, bizarrely, Mrs. Anhora, Mr. and Mrs. DuLac, and Mr. Rodowsky (who had apparently had a quality-time-with-kids change of heart), were lounging by the pool.

"What happened?" asked Mrs. Anhora, and Mordred burst into tears and said,

"It was dead!"

"What do you mean, it was dead?" asked Mrs. Anhora, and Mordred cried harder, practically bawling,

"When we got there, the people told us it was dead!"

This set off Jake, who also began to cry, and Penelope, who started a slow sniffle and went to sit on Mr. DuLac's lap, burying her head into her father's shoulder.

Eventually Nimueh was able to explain, through the sound of three kids crying, that despite the marine biologists' best efforts, the shock to the narwhal's system, travelling so far from its natural habitat, had overwhelmed it. Its organ function had slowed before failing entirely, and when they had arrived at the aquarium, it had only been to be informed that Nelly the Narwhal had passed away in the night.

"The narwhal was _dead_?" screeched Mrs. Anhora indignantly. She whirled and looked directly at Arthur, whom she evidently held directly responsible for this tragedy. "But—narwhals are the unicorns of the ocean! Precious to behold! How could it have been _dead_?"

Arthur shrugged, as if to say, _I didn't kill it, lady_, but it appeared to have no effect.

"This is an _outrage_!" said Mrs. Anhora. "The kids could be traumatised for years!"

Mordred wailed in apparent agreement.

"Something has to be done about this," she continued. "We have to take their minds off it. I know—you can take them back to that Pirate place. With the maze."

"Yay!" said Mordred, apparently over the trauma.

"Yes, yes," said Mrs. Anhora, picking up steam. "You can take them back to the maze place. Who wants to go?"

Mordred raised his hand enthusiastically, followed by a shyer Penelope and by Jake.

"Three of you. Excellent. Arthur, you can take them. It's the only way they'll get over the death of a narwhal, the unicorn of the sea. Take them back to that maze place, and make sure you're back in time for dinner."

She waved the straw of her drink at him, and Arthur, resigned, held a hand out for Penelope and Jake and motioned for Mordred to precede him.

___

Kristy had to feel bad for Arthur after that. As they moved into the third week of the vacation, the mothers seemed to have increasingly odd requests to make of him—he had to take Mordred back to Bluebeard's Pirate Land of Adventure twice, and was always being sent back up to the room to get beach balls and snorkels and water pails for the kids. The entire thing was made utterly pathetic by the fact that Arthur looked beseechingly at Merlin every time, but Merlin only turned away, to speak to Gwen or to pull yet another nickel out of one of his kids' ears, as Arthur walked away.

By the time Kristy made her way down to another early-morning capoeira session—Mr. DuLac had told them he'd work with them every other day, if they wanted—she couldn't help but ask,

"Hey—are you okay?" as they made their way down.

Arthur nodded, evidently trying to communicate, _Not at all_, and Kristy smiled sympathetically, patting Arthur on the shoulder and walking with him in silence.

After they'd warmed up, and after Arthur had moved about in a lacklustre fashion for about ten minutes, Mr. DuLac asked,

"Arthur, is something the matter?"

Arthur shook his head, but Kristy, big-mouthed as usual, said, "He likes Merlin and Merlin likes him but Arthur kissed Nimueh and now Merlin won't ever forgive him," before she could stop herself. She clapped a hand over her mouth, but her horror at her own stupidity quickly faded, replaced by a deeper horror at the look on Arthur's face when she'd said, "Merlin won't ever forgive him."

"He won't?" he asked, quietly, and Kristy said,

"Uh—well. I—"

"Of course he will," jumped in Mr. DuLac, voice kind and eyes warm. "You just have to show him that you're sorry."

"But how?" asked Arthur. "I've _tried_."

Kristy said, eager to make up for her big mouth, "Well, I think you could probably begin by showing him some appreciation for all the things he does for you—all the little things, you know?"

Mr. DuLac nodded.

"And then perhaps you could take some time alone to talk this afternoon," he said. "Astolat and I would be happy to help Kristy and other sitters for about an hour or so, say, after dinner."

Kristy looked at him appreciatively, because really, _How cool was Mr. DuLac?_, but Arthur slumped his shoulders and said,

"I wouldn't know what to say, really."

Mr. DuLac patted him on the shoulder.

"Arthur," he said. "I'm sure when you need them, the words will come."

___

Kristy watched Arthur struggle to get Merlin alone all day, trying, "Can we talk for a moment?" and "Merlin, could I possibly—" and even, "Merlin, I really need your help for something that's happening over on that side of the pool."

Merlin just pretended he couldn't hear him, and eventually Kristy, afraid that Arthur might get up on one of the small plastic tables and declare his love in front of the kids in desperation, perhaps alienating Merlin further, asked Merlin and Claudia Morgana if they'd help her down at the beach. When they agreed and Mr. and Mrs. DuLac said they'd come along, she herded the kids into a tight group in front of her and Claudia Morgana, who quickly caught on, and shot a meaningful look at Arthur as Merlin trailed slightly behind the group.

"Last one to the beach hut is a rotten egg!" yelled Kristy, speeding the kids up and watching in satisfaction as Arthur managed to catch Merlin's wrist, pulling him to the small patch of sand behind the pool bar, near the beach showers.

Kristy, too nosy for her own good, looked at Claudia Morgana—who said, "Go; you can tell me what happens, afterwards"—before darting back to where she'd seen Arthur and Merlin disappear, peeking from behind a wall and straining to hear.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Arthur. Are you expecting me to believe that you somehow—what, accidentally fell on her face?" Merlin was saying.

"No," Arthur replied, "What I'm saying is that she kissed me, Merlin, and that I didn't kiss back, and that when I turned to look for you you were already gone!"

"Well, what would you have done?" asked Merlin, angry, and Arthur said,

"Probably slapped her in the face like the violent postal worker hussy on that _Real Catfights_ show that's on at 7pm on Thursdays," said Arthur, and Merlin smiled, a little, before asking, quietly but still a little cold,

"Really?"

"God, Merlin," said Arthur, heavily, and just like that, all the words seem to explode out of him. "Of course. I would have been furious. I feel as if I've been waiting for you forever, Merlin, and I would have flipped out if I'd seen you kissing Nimueh. But you _have_ to know that that's not what I wanted. I didn't want to be rude when she asked me to dance, but I just wanted you to come find me, Merlin. I like you—I've liked you for ages."

Merlin blushed a little, evidently thawing further, and Arthur pressed on,

"Merlin—you make things better for me, when you're around. I don't know how, but I always seem to play better when you come watch a game, and nothing ever seems to go wrong when I'm with you: no missed buses or traffic or $1.05 Cokes in the vending machine when all I have is a dollar. Just the other day—it was like that wave came along just because you were there. And the funny thing is, I don't just like you," Arthur stopped, and swallowed hard, before saying, "I possibly—well, I like you a lot, Merlin, and I want to be with you, and not because you make things better in my life. I want to be with you because I want to make sure everything goes right for you in yours."

In Kristy's view, that was really going a bit overboard with the chick-flick speech, and she was sure Arthur would deny ever saying this if tortured for the truth, but while that level of sappy stuff probably wouldn't have worked for her, it evidently did for Merlin, who took a few quick steps towards Arthur and put his hands on Arthur's cheeks, kissing him softly and saying,

"Arthur—me too," against his lips.

They kissed, Arthur looking as if he'd won the lottery, or something, and Kristy rolled her eyes and jogged back to the kids, giving Claudia Morgana a thumbs up when she raised her eyebrows questioningly.

___

Things went pretty well after that.

Merlin told Mordred some scary story about a young boy who was mean to his elders and eventually discovered he had killed his father by accident because he never listened to anyone and was always being rude, or something Kristy didn't quite catch, and Mordred stopped kicking Arthur in the shins after that, going as far as to hold his hand sometimes, when they were heading towards the beach.

(Kristy overheard him telling Arthur, "If, when I'm older, I have a company, and you also have a company, I'm going to deliver the fatal blow and take over your company, like my dad did to Mr. Williamson when I was little, which is why we're so rich. But we can be friends for now.")

Nimueh apologised to Merlin, and then to Arthur, and eventually struck up some sort of flirting three-day romance with Matt from the beach rental shack.

Kristy caught Claudia Morgana and Gwen kissing in the hallway quickly one night, and she smiled at them and ended up having a really good conversation with them about how they'd first known they'd liked each other, right there in the hall. She felt as if she knew Claudia better than she ever had after that.

She and Arthur got better at the capoeira stuff, with Mr. DuLac's help, and Merlin joined them one morning, sleepy-eyed but pretty quick on the uptake. Kristy thought maybe the three of them could start a Stoneybrook High capoeira club, or something, but she didn't want to jump the gun on the club creation, or anything, so she saved the idea for later.

The days stretched out, long and glorious and sunny, and when the plane landed at JFK and they picked up their bags, saying sad goodbyes to the kids and Mr. DuLac before boarding the Connecticut Limo shuttle, Kristy felt actually heartbroken that it was all over. But when they all got in the van and the others immediately started talking, joking around, not near Kristy but _with_ her, on the way back to Stoneybrook, Kristy immediately felt better about the whole thing, and hopeful.

She looked out the window, where a very light summer rain was falling, and laughed.

"What is it?" asked Gwen.

"Look," said Kristy, pointing. "It's a rainbow."

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like to leave a comment on this story but prefer to do so on LiveJournal, the entry for this story can be found [here](http://syllic.livejournal.com/11172.html).


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